Bittersweet

Ok, so this probably won't be a very happy go lucky post. It will though be an honest posting that I imagine one or two of you out there will be able to relate to as well.

I found myself reflecting all last week on some pretty deep issues. I have searched my heart and thought processes and at times faced some sharp shortcomings within myself. I asked myself over and over, "Why do you continue to allow yourself to be disappointed by people?" People are not perfect and they never will be. Still, I am currently very disappointed with a couple of people in my life. The ironic thing is that this is not the first or even second time I have been deeply hurt by either of them. I persist in caring for and loving them. One of my better traits is loyalty but man, sometimes it just hurts.

I need to forgive these individuals and I know that is what I am called to do as a follower of Christ. I am working on it and have been for a long time. Every time I think I have moved forward in the forgiving process something happens that pulls me the opposite direction. What is truly ironic, is that these individuals probably have NO idea the hurt they have inflicted or may not care.

One of my favorite artists is Plumb. Wow, her songwriting and voice are incredible. She has a song titled, "Bittersweet" that I have loved for a long time. I identify with the song and find myself listening to it more and more and more. I hold onto these lyrics and the hope that I will find myself released from my disappointment so that a healing within me can take place.

Bittersweet


I've been carrying this old luggage
And It's been really bugging me
So when you called to see me
I couldn't believe it
Could it really be?

You need to feel forgiveness
I need to feel resentment
Running down the drain
This bruising chain I've carried
Is the pain that I am burying today

(Chorus)
Now I can breathe
And I feel grace rush over me
It pours through my skin
And lets you in
And we are free
Now I can breath
And I feel grace brush over me
It runs through my veins
And what I taste is bitter sweet

The clock is always ticking
Bitterness grows by the minute
Why can't we realize
The wounds that we're inflicting
On our flesh it isn't healing
By keeping love inside (Yeah)

(Chorus)

Now I can breathe
And I feel grace rush over me
It pours through my skin
And lets you in
And we are free
Now I can breath
And I feel grace brush over me
It runs through my veins
And what I taste is bitter sweet
Bitter sweet